How to Reclaim Your Attention This Weekend
A few things that have helped me
Note: Hello to all the new subs that recently came in by way of Esther Perel! If you aren’t familiar with my work, I’m Tobias — I write about the issues of algorithmic division in society, reclaiming our minds from machines, talking to people about difficult beliefs, and our totally bonkers media landscape. Thanks for being here. :)
This is a gentle weekend offering — a slight departure from what I normally post. It’s an attempt at sharing three small things I have done to dramatically increase my own happiness and reclaim a bit of my agency.
I’ve struggled with attention all my life. Smartphones/social media were an enormous cognitive downgrade for me — one that I did not get a handle on until just a few years ago as I was doing research for my book Outrage Machine.
In that process I discovered a handful of simple tools that have been life-changing for my ability to focus. I’m going to share them here, in the hopes that they are useful to you.
Good news, bad news
Let’s be honest: you’re not going to resist Instagram on your own. Or TikTok. Or X. Or YouTube. Neither am I.
When I’m tired, stressed, hungry, or bored, my prefrontal cortex shuts down and my lizard brain takes over. That’s when the “lemmie just check for a second” impulse hits and I regain consciousness 45 minutes later watching shorts on an indistinguishable feed (Which one? Idk. They all look the same now.)
The average person checks their phone about 200 times a day, and each one of those spontaneous clicks wires a pathway that has the potential to push you into the waiting arms of a hungry algorithm.
It sucks. And the feeling of regret that lands haunts you afterwards resembles learned helplessness.
What’s helped me is remembering that this isn’t a sign of weakness. It is not a willpower problem. It’s a systems problem.
The good news is that there are some amazing apps that have dramatically improved my focus. If you do any single thing, do this.
Use an app blocker
I use an app called Opal. No affiliation with this app, I just use it and it has literally saved me hundreds of hours of sleep and painful distraction.
Defaults work great right out of the box. It gives me a cheeky block screen with a funny quote every time I zombie-click into an app or a site.
I pay for this (like $8 a month I think, happily, as it has saved thousands of dollars of my time), but a single daily block is free, 9am-5pm. I use two: One for work time, one for sleep time. 11:30pm-8am.
It has a desktop version too.
I still get the scrolling in during off-hours and on weekends when I want to binge.
You can still click through to the app itself, and click the “take a break” button, which sets a timer for you to swipe away. It’s infinitely better than the standard IOS screen time blocker.
For a lighter touch, you can try OneSec or Clearspace. These apps add a mandatory pause—usually 5-10 seconds with a breathing prompt—before you can open tagged apps. (FWIW I find these lighter touch apps like OneSec don’t work as well as Opal, as my sneaky brain adapts to the pause after about a week. I’d recommend going for the hard-stuff like Opal).
But do this. It works.
Shush the non-human voices
Would you let a stranger poke you while you’re working?
Of course not. But you do.
Your phone alights. You look down. You look back. What were you doing? Every buzz, blink, and text bubble is a little opportunity for a bit of distraction. But it can take up to 25 minutes to get back on track after being interrupted.
If it’s a clever app that’s doing it, the variable reward schedule works *exactly* the same way as a slot machine. Our brains are rewarded to seek the novelty of a special notification just for you. They know this. The app designers have very sneakily trained you like a lab rat. B.F. Skinner would be proud.
Here’s what helps: Consider turning off everything except actual humans trying to reach you (calls, texts) and practical necessities (your Uber arriving, food delivery). Only check your emails at predetermined times in the day.
Do this: As soon as you get a non-human notification on your phone, just slow-swipe it, click options (or equivalent) and turn it off. Be extremely liberal with your judgment. If it’s not urgent but you still need it, tap “add to summary” on IOS.
Or, if you’re feeling bold, go into your phone settings when you have a moment and just do a hard purge.
Iphone: Settings → Notifications
Android: Settings → Notifications → App notifications
Off. off. off.
Everything else—news, social media, games—you can check when you remember. Mostly, you will not remember what was you missed. If you do miss it, wait for it (after your screen block ends) and savor it all the more.
Make Morning for Your Mind
“To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.” is a thing that Thoreau said.
It’s also a thing that Instagram’s algorithm might say upon seeing your pretty face scrolling right when you wake up.
What you see right when you wake up sets the tone for the day. Don’t give that away too easily.
A recommendation: Try not looking at your phone for the first 30 minutes after you get up.
Not to check weather. Not to see if anyone texted. Just a brief break with yourself.
Walk. Journal. Sit with coffee. Stretch. Stare out the window. Stare at the wall. The specific activity matters less than the principle: letting your first conscious thoughts be yours, not delivered by robots.
And tonight, to make this easier: consider plugging your phone in somewhere outside your bedroom. If you use it as an alarm, an inexpensive alarm clock works well (or an iPad with social apps/news hard-blocked, which is what I use).
You might feel wiggly at first, like you’re missing something. That’s normal. That discomfort usually passes and with it comes a tingling wave of recognition that you are a warm living being with a heartbeat, choices, special ideas, and effervescent promise of making amazing things happen in your singular life. Or you might just want coffee. That’s also fine.
If 30 minutes feels like too much, try 15 and see how it goes. Try it for a few days. The goal is simply noticing that your attention can be yours to direct, not something impulsively given away the moment you open your eyes.
Taken together, these things have made me happier.
That’s it. Thanks for reading. I hope this is helpful.
Quick programming note:
Next week we have an interview with Tristan Harris, founder of the Center for Humane Technology. (Paid subs will get early access.)
And in case you missed it, we just published an interview-only version of last week’s conversation with Tim Urban of Wait But Why is below. My long-form version is here.
*Disclaimer the above link will bring you to YouTube, which is a hungry algorithm.
Loved these tips!